just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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