I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
