i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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