I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
