Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
