life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Barsexuality is the new black.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
