YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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