He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
