Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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