Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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