My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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