I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
