i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
