My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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