i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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