I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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