I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
