He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
