she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
