The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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