if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
