if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
