K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
