You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
