What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
