I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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