i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Four minutes until I can fart!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
