First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
