I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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