I love black thongs
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
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