Yo dont text me then not text me
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
