Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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