Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
