where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
