At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
