i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
