she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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