Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My breasts were aching with rage.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
