I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dick very happy bro
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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