So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
