I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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