wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
