we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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