his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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