turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
