What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
