I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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