I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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