i just google imaged poop.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
