I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
