I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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