When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
