I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
