I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize