You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
