Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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