I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
