oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Even my vagina gasped.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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