I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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