Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
