I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
