Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
