They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
