im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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