A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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