Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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