Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
