So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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