I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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