Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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